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HBRARY OF CONGRESS 




Hollinger Corp. 



Ars Agricolaris 



An Ode of Moral Sentiments 
Addressed to Certain Farmer-Gents 



BY 



HENRY VAN DYKE 



Read at the Farmer's Dinner 
University Club, Jan. 23, 1913 



Copyright, 1913, by Henry Van Dyke 






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Ars Agricolaris 

By Henry Van Dyke 

A LL hail, ye famous Farmers ! 

Ye vegetable-charmers, 

Who know the art of making barren earth 

Smile with prolific mirth 

And bring forth twins or triplets at a birth ! 

Ye scientific fertilizers of the soil, 

And horny-handed sons of toil ! 

To-night from all your arduous cares 
released, 

With manly brows no longer sweat- 
impearled, 

Ye hold your annual feast, 



And like the Concord farmers long ago, 
Ye meet above the "Bridge* ' below, 
And draw the cork heard round the world 



What memories are yours ! What tales 
Of triumph have your tongues rehearsed 
Telling how ye have won your first 
Potatoes from the stubborn mead 
(Almost as many as ye sowed for seed! ) 

And how the luscious cabbages and kails 
Have bloomed before you in their bed 
At seven dollars a head ! 
And how your onions took a prize 
For bringing tears into the eyes 
Of a hard-hearted cook ! And how ye slew 

The Dragon Cut-worm at a stroke ! 

And how ye broke, 






Routed, and put to flight the horrid crew 

Of vile potato-bugs and Hessian flies ! 

And how ye did not quail 

Before the invading armies of San Jose Scale, 

But met them bravely with your little pail 

Of poison which ye put upon each tail 

O'the dreadful beasts and made their cour- 
age fail! 

And how ye did acquit yourselves like 
men 

In fields of agricultural strife, and then, 

Like generous warriors, sat you down 
at ease 

And gently to your gardener said "Let 
us have Pease!" 

But were here Pease ? Ah, no, dear 
Farmers, no! 

The course of Nature is not ordered so. 






For when we want a vegetable most, 

She holds it back; 

And when in boast 

To our week-endly friends 

Of what we'll give them on our farm, 
alack, 

Those things the old dam, Nature, never 

sends. 
O Pease in bottles, Sparrow-grass in jars, 
How often have ye saved from scars 
Of shame, and deep embarrassment, 
The disingenuous farmer-gent, 

To whom some wondering guest has 
cried, 

"How do you raise such Pease and Spar- 
row-grass ? 

Whereat the farmer-gent has not denied 

The compliment, but smiling has replied, 




"To raise such things you must have lots 
of glass/' 



From wiles like these, true Farmers, hold 
aloof; 

Accept no praise unless you have the proof. 

If niggard Nature should withhold the green 

And sugary Pea, welcome the humble Bean ; 

Give it the place of honor at your table. 

Even the easy Radish, and the Beet, 

If grown by your own toil, are extra sweet ! 

Let malefactors of great wealth and banker- 
felons 

Rejoice in foreign artichokes, imported 
melons ; 

But you, my Farmers, at your frugal board, 

Spread forth the fare your Sabine ^Farms 
afford. 



Say to Maecenas, when he is your guest, 

"No peaches, try this turnip, 'tis my best." 

Thus shall ye learn from labors in the field 

What honesty a farmer's life may yield, 

And like G. Washington in early youth, 

Though cherries fail, produce a crop of 
Truth. 



But think me not too strict, O fellows of the 
plough, 

Some place for fiction in your lives I would 
allow. 

In January when the world is drear, 

And bills come in, and no results appear, 

And snow-storms veil the skies, 

And ice the streamlet clogs, 

Then you may warm your heart with pleas- 
ant lies, 



And revel in the seedman's catalogues. 

What visions and what dreams are there ! 
Of cauliflowers obese, - 

Of giant celery, taller than a mast,- 
Of strawberries 

Like red pincushions, round and vast,- 
Of succulent and spicy gumbo, - 
Of cantaloupes, as big as jumbo,- 
Of high-strung beans without the strings, - 

And of a host of other wild romantic things ! 

Oh, why should Starr declare 

That modern habits mental force impair? 

And why should H. Marquand complain 

That jokes as good as his will ne'er come 
again ? 

And why should Bridges wear a gloomy 
mien 



FEB 20 1913 



About the lack of fiction for his Magazine ? 
The seedman's catalogue is all we need 
To stir our dull imaginations 
To new creations, 
And lead us, by the hand 
Of Hope, into a fairy-land. 

So dream, my friendly Farmer, as you will; 

And let your fancy all your gardens fill 

With wondrous crops; but always recollect 

That Nature gives us less than we expect. 

Scorn not the city where you earn the wealth 

That, spent upon your farms, renews your 
health ; 

And tell your wife, whene'er the bills have 
shocked her, 

"A country place is cheaper than a doctor/' 
May roses bloom for you and may you find 
Your richest harvest in a tranquil mind. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




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